Girls, if a boy says something that isn't funny, you don't have to laugh.

Most of the women in your life will outlast the men in your life. The Saturday Night Live ladies - Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch, Tina - and I text pictures of our kids back and forth all the time. It keeps us connected. As my nanny used to say, the older you get, the more important it is to know people that knew you when.

I'd say any good set or any comedy that I've worked on, that's worked, has been comedians pitching ideas back and forth to each other. A lot of like, 'What if you say this? What about this?'

I don't think a man who is fifteen years younger than me should tell me he is proud of me unless he is my sober coach or my time-travel dad.

Aw, I feel bad if [Taylor] was upset. I am a feminist, and she is a young and talented girl. That being said, I do agree I am going to hell. But for other reasons. Mostly boring tax stuff.

I want girls to feel that they can be sassy and full and weird and geeky and smart and independent, and not so withered and shriveled. (The American Apparel ads) I'm over this weird, exhausted girl. I'm over the girl that's tired and freezing and hungry. I like bossy girls. I like people filled with life. I'm over this weird media thing with all this, like, hollow-eyed, empty, party crap.

Going from crying to laughing that fast and hard happens maybe five times in your life and that extreme right turn is the reason why we are alive, and I believe it extends our life by many years.