I hate false advertising, like 'Skittles: taste the rainbow.' No one's ever been like, 'Rainbow, right you guys?' Or what's Reese's? 'There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's.' Oh, really? Tell that to my uncle who used to put them in my underwear. Alright, maybe your uncles didn't love you.

The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.

I understand why so many female comics quit or change their path, because it is hard. It's hard to be a comedian, and people have so much aggression towards women. I don't really know where that comes from, but I feel a total responsibility, and I'm gonna do my part, to continue on the path that I'm on.

My mom made me think I was gorgeous. When I was younger she was like, 'Look at you! You're an angel. You sparkle!' And I was like, 'I do!' You believe your parents.

I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.

The way that these girls keep themselves skinny is awful, isn't it? By vomiting or using hard drugs - which I can't afford.

I'll never forget how she told us. She took us all out to brunch, and she was like, 'You guys, I'm keeping this one.'