Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'

I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh.

I only met Joan Rivers once. But when she passed away, it felt like a part of me went away, too.

I just want to get the most money I can.

Out of nowhere she tells me that Oliver Stone - you know, the director - she's like, 'He has this huge Asian fetish, and I find it totally offensive.' And I'm like, 'Why, Kwan? That sounds awesome.' She's like, 'I'm offended because I'm Asian.' And I was just like, 'Well, I'm sorry, but I didn't even notice that. I thought you were just really tired.

I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album!

I want to make women laugh. I want to make them feel beautiful in their own skin. I want to empower them to use their voice and not apologize.