To me, feminism means equality between men and women. I want to make people laugh and also point out some injustices or inequalities I see.

Very neat for a boy; always cleaned up his mess, no matter where he got it on me. He's Hispanic, so he's like, 'Now who's the wetback?' I'm like, 'Hey, still you. Get back in the kitchen, those dishes aren't going to do themselves.

I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.

He was really into family... He'd never come on the road with me on the weekends 'cause he wanted to spend time with his wife.

I don't feel any sense of competition at all, and that might be my naïveté, but I don't feel pitted against anyone at all.

I may sound like a megalomaniac, but I feel like I'm equipped to become a great, memorable comedian, if I keep working my ass off and staying at the pace I'm at, and I feel a responsibility to do that because of the women who have done it before me, and the ones who need to do it after me.

I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.