You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom.

I asked for a glass of Chardonnay. And in a 9/11-like twist, they didn't have any. They offered me Pinot.

I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.

I just want to get the most money I can.

I've done some things I'm embarrassed about, and I like to tell people about them so that maybe they feel less embarrassed or alone when they do something they're unsure about.

Stand-up is not something that you're good at right away. You have to do it a ton. But, I think I got to shave a year off because I didn't have to get over stage fright.

You shoot saltwater in your ass?