I don't really consider myself to be a comedian. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around writing jokes or anything. I just like dressing up and pretending to be other people.

When you hear someone use the word 'meds' instead of the word 'medicine,' chances are they're no stranger to massive doses of mind-altering psychotropic drugs. Back out of the room slowly.

Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.

I failed first grade, which is my biggest problem. You always feel like a failure, like you're stupid.

I love depressing movies and depressing books.

I like it when people who aren't so attractive, or they have a whole lot of hurdles to get over, I like it when they dress up and they look presentable. That, to me, just touches me.

I don't really consider myself to be a comedian. I mean, it's not like I'm sitting around writing jokes or anything. I just like dressing up and pretending to be other people.