I like real girls. When they're in bed with you, it's not a show. They just want to do that.

I’m a Brooklyn guy onstage, and I try to really feed my fans with the kind of material they expect from me.

When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me.

All the subject matter I talk about isn't new; all comics talk about the same things. But it's how you talk about them or present them or what you look like up there that makes the difference between an okay comic and a great one.

I always wanted to give people the more exciting version of what I think a comedian should be - because I didn't grow up with comics, I grew up with rock 'n' roll. And when I saw a lot of comics, no matter how good they might have been material-wise, I would get a little bored with them after 10 minutes, only because I feel comedians don't really know performance.

I like when something makes you think after you stop watching.

Whether you're gay, straight, you can't tell anybody who to love and who to marry. It's unconstitutional and it's morally wrong.