You know, women are acting the way they want to act now. Years ago they would hide it in the way they dressed, the way they speak, even the way they act in bed. Today, they're doing the same thing, but they're dressing the way they want to be treated and, when you're with them, acting the way they want to act. And you know, honesty is the best policy. I love that.

I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.

I have no problem today letting people know I'm part of what they live. That's why I know about the things that make people the assholes they are. They have no choice but to be part of it.

When I did a sitcom and played a postman, I was brought to tears playing that postman, because I felt like one. I didn't grow up even wanting to be a post man. Now, I understand the meaning of the term "postal." I was bored to tears. And what was funny was that the producer actually looked like a bug.

I always wanted to give people the more exciting version of what I think a comedian should be - because I didn't grow up with comics, I grew up with rock 'n' roll. And when I saw a lot of comics, no matter how good they might have been material-wise, I would get a little bored with them after 10 minutes, only because I feel comedians don't really know performance.

There are very few comics that understand about exciting the crowd, and that's what I always prided myself on: giving a more confident macho attitude towards delivering material.

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!