I noticed when I was driving around that they changed the name of the Interborough Parkway to the Jackie Robinson Parkway. And the Interborough family is very upset about this.

Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life.

Comedy Central made their own awards show. They were named best comedy channel.

Some of my stuff, I realize is just rage.

The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.

Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.

I'm on a show called Wizards of Wavery Place, and I like it, but I'm unable to convince my Tivo that I wouldn't also like iCarly.