Scott Brown's victory in Massachusetts has got to have Ted Kennedy rolling over in his grave, spilling his drink.

[Alan] Dershowitz has also offered to defend Osama bin Laden in court, saying it would be an act of high patriotism. It's kind of too bad there isn't going to be a trial. Having Dershowitz defend him could be Osama's only shot at not being the least popular person in the courtroom.

Some people say I'm really ugly and anorexic; some say the only reason I'm on TV is because I'm pretty. I say to them: Get your slander straight. You are what you are, whether you're small or skinny or smart or dumb. Just do what you do.

We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity.

I've decided to cut out the part of the speech where I say anything nice about Democrats.

In California, the fabulously rich support the poor with government jobs, paid for by the middle class which is now living in Arizona.

Who's gonna give me a TV show? I didn't work for an impeached, disbarred President who was held in contempt by a federal judge. That's what they look for in objective reporters.