For decades now, the Democrats have had a good gig buying the votes of government workers with outrageous salaries, benefits and work rules - and then sticking productive earners with the bill. But, now, we're out of money.

I defy any of my coreligionists to tell me they do not laugh at the idea of Dawkins burning in hell.

Democrats should run Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for president. He's more coherent than Dennis Kucinich, he dresses like their base, he's more macho than John Edwards, and he's willing to show up at a forum where he might get one hostile question - unlike the current Democratic candidates for president who won't debate on Fox News Channel. He's not married to an impeached president, and the name Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is surely no more frightening than B. Hussein Obama.

Almost everything wrong with our health care system comes from government interference with the free market. If the health care system is broken, then fix it. Don't try to invent a new one premised on all the bad ideas that are causing problems in the first place.

Science is something that you have facts. They can be tested. They can be checked. Heterosexual AIDS, another one.

I cut through the nonsense with the blinding light of truth.

It may be annoying, but the rash of hijackings by Connecticut WASP girls surely explains the time-consuming - but still somehow completely useless - examination of my personal effects. We all have to make sacrifices for airline safety.