Margarine? That's not food. I Can't Believe It's Not Butter? I can. If you're planning on using margarine in anything, you can stop reading now, because I won't be able to help you.

Is it a good hot dog? That’s all I want to know … I don’t think the personal health and purity of my colon is that important compared to pleasure. As a chef, I’m not your dietitian or your ethicist. I’m in the pleasure business …. My responsibility is to give you the most delicious tomato that I can afford, given the circumstances, and maybe increase the likelihood that you get laid after dinner.

If you've ever hauled a 28-pound two-year-old around New York, you'll find that men fold at the knees a lot quicker than women.

Even on the Serengeti, it ain't a barbecue if there ain't some kind of beer.

It would be an egregious mistake to ever refer to me in the same breath as most of the people I write about.

One of life's terrible truths is that women like guys who seem to know what they're doing.

If you have a good experience in a restaurant, you tell 2 people. If you have a bad experience, you tell 10 people.