When you describe the miserable and unfortunate, and want to make the reader feel pity, try to be somewhat colder - that seems to give a kind of background to another's grief, against which it stands out more clearly. Whereas in your story the characters cry and you sigh. Yes, be more cold. ... The more objective you are, the stronger will be the impression you make.
Anton ChekhovTo live simply to die is by no means amusing, but to live with the knowledge that you will die before your time, that's really is idiotic
Anton Chekhov