Hillary Clinton began a New York thank-you tour Friday by calling for the abolition of the Electoral College. No wonder Arkansas never liked her. She hasn't been in office three days and already she's an abolitionist.

They’ve taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.

Hillary Clinton flew with President Bush to New York City on Tuesday. She was amazed at the changes aboard Air Force One. For eight years she believed that flight attendants couldn't wear clothes because it made the plane too heavy.

Fox News reported Thursday that Bill Clinton can't get into any of New York's better golf and country clubs. Not one member has been willing to sponsor him. So it's official, he really is America's first black president.

Tennis legend Bjorn Borg appeared in a Swedish TV ad urging Swedes to have more sex to solve the country's falling birth rate. America can help. This is a perfect opportunity to name Jesse Jackson ambassador to Sweden.

Jenna Bush was cited for underage drinking in Austin Friday. Her dad warned her that too much partying at school could cost her a good career. At $400,000, he's making the lowest salary of any of his Yale classmates.

The Columbus Day Parade was held Monday in New York. Columbus was the world's first Democrat. He left not knowing where he was going, arrived not knowing where he was, went home not knowing where he had been, and he did it all on government money.