After conducting a concert in a small town, I once received the following note from a farmer who had attended the performance: "Dear Sir, I wish to inform you that the man who played the long thing you pull in and out only did so during the brief periods you were looking at him."

I hate you all because you destroy my dreams!

After I die, I shall return to earth as a gatekeeper of a bordello and I won't let any of you enter.

If you want to please the critics, don't play too loud, too soft, too fast, too slow.

When I was young, I kissed my first woman and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. Believe me, never since have I wasted any more time on tobacco.”“After I die I shall return to earth as the doorkeeper of a bordello and I won't let a one of you in.

Can't you read? The score demands 'con amore,' and what are you doing? You are playing it like married men!

To Strauss the composer I take off my hat; to Strauss the man I put it back on again.