If you want to please the critics, don't play too loud, too soft, too fast, too slow.

After conducting a concert in a small town, I once received the following note from a farmer who had attended the performance: "Dear Sir, I wish to inform you that the man who played the long thing you pull in and out only did so during the brief periods you were looking at him."

To Strauss the composer I take off my hat; to Strauss the man I put it back on again.

After I die, I shall return to earth as a gatekeeper of a bordello and I won't let any of you enter.

I hate you all because you destroy my dreams!

God tells me how the music should sound, but you stand in the way.

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since.