Anyone in England who puts himself forward to be elected to a position of political power is almost bound to be socially or emotionally insecure, or criminally motivated, or mad.

An unemployed electrician,whom I had been taunting with my reminder of how much richer I was, leaned forward and said:'What are your qualifications? I know exactly what your qualifications are.You bent over in the shower to pick up some soap at Eton and Harrow, like all the rest of them.

History, having destroyed the religion as the opium of the people, now requires that they be given a taste of the real stuff.

Now that Mandela has been released from prison we can all admit what has been apparent, that he is not a Tembu tribesman, in fact he is not an African at all. He is quite obviously Chinese. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but it makes those who persist in seeing him as a great African statesman look rather foolish.

You should tell the truth as often as you can, but in such a way as people don't believe you or think that you're being funny.

Looking back at all the people I have insulted, I am mildly surprised that I am still allowed to exist.

The main objection to killing people as a punishment...is that killing people is wrong