I always tried to learn Greek, but all I got out of it was, "poulaki mou." ["My little chicken."]

It was a salad bar of phobias

His laugh is made if porch swings and lemonade

The more obsessed one is with getting thin, the more certain it becomes that one will never get there.

I never get sick of writing my own stories because there's a certain comfort in knowing you will never run out of material. It's relaxing, actually, to write.

Saying just the right thing after a considerable, awkward pause is far less effective than saying the wrong thing with perfect timing. I'm telling you.

If I were a serial killer, I would not be the kind that stabs and then eats the victim. I would be the kind that hides in a tree and shoots at the aerobics class.