Bus stops are far more interesting and useful places to have art than in museums.

A recent survey or North American males found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey.

If you want someone to be ignored then build a life-size bronze statue of them and stick it in the middle of town. It doesn't matter how great you were, it'll always take an unfunny drunk with climbing skills to make people notice you.

The grumpier you are, the more assholes you meet.

Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can't even finish my second apple pie.

If you don't own a train company then you go and paint on one instead... it all comes from that thing at school when you had to have name tags in the back of something... that makes it belong to you. You can own half the city by scribbling your name over it.

This is a big surprise I don't agree with the concept of award ceremonies, but I'm prepared to make an exception for the ones I'm nominated for. The last time there was a naked man covered in gold paint in my house, it was me.