Only way you can you get upset is when you expecting something.

I don't need to pat myself on the back until my arm breaks. I don't need any of that.

Okay, first rule of this carpool. No breaking wind in my car. The only gas that Bernie Mac want to be smelling is unleaded.

Hugs aren't like pieces of pie. Plenty of hugs to go around.

I'm so black, I leave fingerprints on coal.

I was good at keeping my mother from crying.

I was in love with a lot of people, because I was a student of the game of comedy - Carol Burnett, Jack Benny, Red Skelton, Jackie Gleason, Don Rickles, Red Foxx, Moms Mabley - who gets no credit, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby, George Kirby. I loved them all, and I used to just take a page out of all of them.