A lot of people say that my life is wasted on me because I could be a bigger asshole than I am, but I've chosen not to be.

Sometimes you have to make your own opportunities, and that's why I'm on TV. I wasn't going to sit around anymore, waiting for the damn phone to ring. I had to create my own place - I've always done that.

Romance is an illusion. Well, romance is not a complete illusion, but it's ephemeral. It does not last.

When my daughter was younger we showed her all the great musicals. And the great dramas and great comedies, and the one that she took to the most was Some Like It Hot.

Hawaii doesn't smell like sex to me. It's the only place in the world that smells like that, but it's not sex, it's - freedom.

If somebody makes me laugh, I’m his slave for life.

I haven't left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories are about the election; all the commercials are Viagra and Cialis. Election, erection, election, erection! Either way we're screwed!