I do look upon all of life as an episode - which is why the people around me are probably on guard!

[On Princess Anne:] Such an active, outdoorsy lass. She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.

I don't need anyone to write me a show in my style, I would like to do a show in a style that wasn't my style, because that's the only way I can grow up and grow out.

I never know how much of what I say is true.

All these rumors about [Tom Cruise] being gay. I don't believe it. I don't believe it for one minute. He hasn't been to one of my shows.

I celebrate everyone's religious holidays. if it's good enough for the righteous, it's good enough for the self-righteous, I always say.

I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite.