Men's brains are smaller than those of women so they can fit into their penises.

I wouldn't say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity.

I've always been lucky enough to have great audiences. It has been quite a life.

I always look old when I work because I get so upset and tense that my face wrinkles up like a prune, I can't stop it.

I celebrate everyone's religious holidays. if it's good enough for the righteous, it's good enough for the self-righteous, I always say.

I've always said that people have unrealistic expectations.

My mother would only let us go to the musicals.