D.C.'s always had a great scene.

I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it's that same fear.

Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!

I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don't like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it's good.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

The first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me.