Oh look, an ATM! Ok, here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.

I never wanted to spend a month away from my life. One time I was out on the road for three weeks in a row and I when I came back someone had broken into my apartment and the water had evaporated from the toilet.

I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.

I was certified to take x-rays, but you can't just show up and start cleaning people's teeth.

Well probably the coolest show of that whole tour was in Germany. I had a chunk of material on [Adolf] Hitler, and I was worried about how they'd react, but they loved it.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?