You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.
Carnegie Hall is as good as they say it is. It's not like Stonehenge which looks great in books but then you go there and it's a pile of rocks next to a highway. There's actually a highway right next to it, but you don't see that in pictures.
What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?
Comedians have the ability to feel other emotions.
Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.
Like I said, you guys in the media will treat the dumbest jack**s in the entire f***ng world like they won a Pulitzer prize for journalism and will put that level of weight on it, like they're an ambassador to some country we're trying to establish trade with.