What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?

There is a very difficult period in a comedian's career - it's that window of time where you're good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet.

It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there. Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, 'What do you think you're doing!' The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.

My parents have a ridiculous work ethic; my dad just works, works, works, works, works. I think it would be hard to find a guy who's logged more hours than that guy.

I don't mind either one [crowd that is more willing to interact or crowd that's more ready to just watch]. Both of them are forms of listening to what I'm saying so I can't ask for any more than that.

I wasn't the good looking guy, I wasn't the hot chick, I wasn't the fat guy, I didn't have a catchphrase, I didn't wear a silly hat. I was just trying to improve as a comedian.

I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?