I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don't like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it's good.

I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?

As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names... 'The Thing That Shouldn't Be'. 'The Chair That Wasn't There', you know?

I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what's bugging me.

I never wanted to spend a month away from my life. One time I was out on the road for three weeks in a row and I when I came back someone had broken into my apartment and the water had evaporated from the toilet.

Some guy workin' at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can't do it, because whores don't care about lumber.

It's a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There's good things and bad things.