I don't feel like it's a wasted vote because I think it encourages more people like that to run. I vote for the candidates that aren't bought and paid for like the Clintons.

I actually had the urge to elbow an elderly lady today.

I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?

I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?

D.C.'s always had a great scene.

You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can't believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.

I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.