I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?

You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.

What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?

I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it's that same fear.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Deny your emotions and act like you have answers

I've had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla.