Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.

You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.

I loved the [English] countryside. I went to John Bonham's grave.

Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!

I never wanted to spend a month away from my life. One time I was out on the road for three weeks in a row and I when I came back someone had broken into my apartment and the water had evaporated from the toilet.

I mean, stand up you're by yourself and it's live and when you're acting, unless you're doing a monologue, you're interacting with somebody else. Even if you're doing a monologue you're saying it to somebody and it's not live so you can do it a few times.