The Republicans proved they are not the party of 'no.' They're the party of 'f**k, no!'

I said I didn't respect religion... and anyone who believes in fairy tales to answer questions that we can't answer... So I don't respect our religions either. But I do believe it is a clash of civilizations, absolutely, between the Islamic world and the Western world. It has been going on for 1,000 years.

The difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is that the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality.

I always wanted to be a comedian, even when I was a little kid. I had a funny father who was in the news business, by the way. He was a radio news guy. So the news was always in my house, and funny was always in my house. It was sort of just baked into the DNA that I would do this for a living, but I can remember being less than 10 years old and dreaming about being a comedian.

John McCain, who once called Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson 'forces of evil', has now come out for teaching intelligent design. That is sad, when smart people have to pretend to be so dumb to get elected.

I understand we're on our way to being a Third World country. Could we just stop at 'Second World' before we get there?

It's very hard not to be condescending when you're explaining something to an idiot.