You talk about 'Obama is going to herd us into FEMA brainwashing camps.' Maybe your brain needs a little washing.

New Rule: Food companies must face the facts: One container equals one serving. Look, we’re Americans, and that means once we open the bag, there’s no stopping us until we’re licking stray bits of powdered cheese off the carpet. So stop trying to give us nutritional information based on a fraction of the package. It assumes a talent for two things that we’re really not capable of: restraint and math.

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.

There are people who think everything is a conspiracy and I think they're crazy.

Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.

When you look at belief in such things - as do you go to heaven, is there a devil - we have more in common with (Muslin countries) Turkey and Iran and Syria than we do with European nations and Canada and nations that, yes, I would consider more enlightened that us.

Republicans have pounced. They're outraged. They say, 'How dare you lie about caring for the people who got hurt in the war we lied them into?'