Edward Snowden gave a little press conference today. He is apparently seeking temporary asylum in Russia. Because, you know, when you're tired of the government snooping into everything you do, Putin's Russia is definitely the place you want to go.
Bill MaherIf you can look at a crime where everything points to one answer and not see it, you're a dumb-ass. And if you can look at the deficit and not see that the problem is that the rich stopped paying taxes, you're a Republican.
Bill MaherNew Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. Itโs not their field. Itโs like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Hereโs what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Hereโs what they donโt know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, Iโd join the Tea Party.
Bill MaherNew Rule: You're never going to pick up women at a coffee shop pretending to be working on your laptop. You don't look like you're sensitive, you look like you're homeless.The last guy to pick up a chick with an Apple was Adam. And when you sit across from another dateless loser with a laptop, it still doesn't look like you're working--it looks like you're playing Battleship.
Bill MaherTrying to get today's Republicans to accept basic facts is like trying to get your dog to take a pill. You have to feed them the truth wrapped in a piece of baloney, hold their snouts shut and stroke their throats. and even then, just when you think they've swallowed it, they spit it out on the linoleum.
Bill Maher