All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex.

I understand we're on our way to being a Third World country. Could we just stop at 'Second World' before we get there?

If you came into the theater believing in the talking snake, it's kind of hard to leave the theater still believing in the talking snake.

Canadian bacon isn't bacon. It's ham.

You're either a rationalist, or you're not. And the good news is a recent poll found 20% of adults under 30 say they are rationalists, and have figured out that Santa Claus and Jesus are really the same guy. Now, 20% is hardly a majority. But it's a bigger minority than blacks, jews, homosexuals, NRA members, teachers, or seniors... and it's certainly enough to stop being shy about expressing the opinion that we're not the crazy ones!

I just don't see why anybody would vote Republican in the Army. If you want to support the troops, if I was a troop, I would say, 'You know how to support me? Don't send me to stupid wars.'

There's a new iPad out...People are going nuts for this thing...And, today, Mitt Romney said, 'It's a flat piece of white plastic. If you can love it, why not me?'