More astronauts have been to the moon than farmers who paid the inheritance tax in 2013.

The New York Times - but the whole country gives it that weight. It's like the Asian kid in math class. Everybody in the media cheats off The New York Times.

Cleavage is to a man what power is to a woman.

In no way was I intending to say, nor have I ever thought, that the men and women who defend our nation in uniform are anything but courageous and valiant, and I offer my apologies to anyone who took it wrong.

My thinking is, government is really there to do the things that people absolutely can't do for themselves. And that's mostly involved with the things that might kill you. And what might kill me? The environment and terrorism.

Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.

You're not a patriot unless even when you lose, it's still your country.