New Rule: Food companies must face the facts: One container equals one serving. Look, we’re Americans, and that means once we open the bag, there’s no stopping us until we’re licking stray bits of powdered cheese off the carpet. So stop trying to give us nutritional information based on a fraction of the package. It assumes a talent for two things that we’re really not capable of: restraint and math.

The Eleventh Commandment: don't speak ill of a fellow Republican. What if the fellow Republican is doing something that hurts America? Isn't it the patriot who sides with America before he sides with the Republicans?

Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don't pay attention.

You can't get saved if you don't play.

In ancient times they sacrificed the virgins. Men were not about to sacrifice the sluts!

I thought this election was an adult discussion on how best to protect ourselves in the face of terrorism, but apparently it was a referendum on boys kissing... When homophobia trumps terrorism in America, wow. This country needs to get laid.

People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They're DEFINITELY GAY!!