I have two questions about Arnold Schwarzenegger. What does he know, and when will he know it?
Bill MaherIn no way was I intending to say, nor have I ever thought, that the men and women who defend our nation in uniform are anything but courageous and valiant, and I offer my apologies to anyone who took it wrong.
Bill MaherI want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the Pope. When I came to Hollywood in 1983, I had one dream. To sleep with Jodie Foster. That didn't work out, but this is nice, too.
Bill MaherIt is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if youโll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.
Bill MaherNew Rule: If you can force a woman to look at a sonogramโto see what will happen if she has an abortionโyou also have to let her see a crying baby, a bratty five-year-old, and a surly teenager to see what will happen if she doesnโt. And you have to tell her it costs $204,000 to raise it until it turns eighteen, in 2028, where it will be a slave to the Chinese, in a radioactive world with no animals, fish, or plants.
Bill Maher