Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.

We've created over 200,000 jobs every month this year. Hasn't happened in 17 years. I guess my first question is, when do the Republicans stop calling it 'Obama's economy'?

You can always tell when Obama's negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he's missing his watch and his lunch money.

Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about. And those who preach faith, and enable and elevate it are intellectual slaveholders, keeping mankind in a bondage to fantasy and nonsense that has spawned and justified so much lunacy and destruction.

More astronauts have been to the moon than farmers who paid the inheritance tax in 2013.

A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out.

I hear a lot of talk today about xenophobia. Is it really phobia if you have something to be afraid of?