Mitt Romney, who is on record saying that he would not waste money going after bin Laden, and on record saying he would not violate Pakistan's border to get bin Laden, this week said, 'Of course I would have gotten bin Laden.' Even his Etch-A-Sketch went, seriously?

I don't understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.

It's all been satirized for your protection.

I think Mitt Romney is a symptom. I think the problem is the Republican Party.

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I Agree'.

If it weren't for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.

Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.