Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant exploded, I returned abortions to back alleys where it belongs, my work here is done.' I think that's what he said, he was chewing a crayon.

I think religion is a neurological disorder.

Hi, I'm Bill. I'm a birth survivor.

So many kids are fat drug addicts these days, it's almost as if Rush Limbaugh had puppies.

I have a theory that the Internet makes people stupider. And Also FOX News makes people stupider.

A president can be unpopular for good reasons. You know, I'm not always on the side that the people are right, for God's sake. But, you know, he's not popular when he goes overseas. He couldn't go to Rosa Parks' funeral.

Ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you