The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.

Hey birthers, wanna hear my theory? My theory was that Obama was born in America and you were born with the umbilical cord around your neck.

The only thing I hate worse than prophecy is self-fulfilling prophecy

New Rule: Someone has to tell Francesco Schettino that embracing a callous policy of "every man for himself" doesn't make you a sea captain. It makes you the Republican nominee.

A president can be unpopular for good reasons. You know, I'm not always on the side that the people are right, for God's sake. But, you know, he's not popular when he goes overseas. He couldn't go to Rosa Parks' funeral.

Their [Republicans] approach to a woman's body is the same as their approach to the economy: they have no idea how it works, but they're eager to screw with it anyway.

All I did was tell the truth. That's is what the whole show is about! And if Politically Incorrect has to go down for it, so be it!