If the NRA keeps messing with the President's daughters, they're going to have to start worrying about Michelle Obama's guns.
Bill MaherThe [Libyan] rebels this week kind of hinted to the United States that they could use a little help. Right. Like, America would just blunder around the Middle East killing people without all the facts. That doesn't sound like the America I know.
Bill MaherHillary Clinton and Nancy Reagan have a lot in common - they're both smarter than their husbands and both consulted the stars for guidance, Nancy with astrology and Hillary with Barbra Streisand.
Bill MaherI think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller country.
Bill MaherNew Rule: Food companies must face the facts: One container equals one serving. Look, weโre Americans, and that means once we open the bag, thereโs no stopping us until weโre licking stray bits of powdered cheese off the carpet. So stop trying to give us nutritional information based on a fraction of the package. It assumes a talent for two things that weโre really not capable of: restraint and math.
Bill Maher