I don't know if anybody from my tribe of atheists ever thanked [Barack Obama] for giving us a shout-out at your first inaugural, but you did mention non-believers. We appreciate it. Because we do feel like untouchables to a degree.

The difference, I think, that matters is which of the religions are dangerous. They're all crazy, but which ones have the potential to turn that into death. In that area, I think we have to worry the most about the Muslims and the Christians

This is America. We don't call an election before we know who won. That, after all, is the job of the Supreme Court.

God makes trees, he doesn't write books.

Did you see Britney Spears at the Video Music Awards? I don't want to say that that performance was a disaster, but after the show, I saw Rudy Giuliani having his picture taken standing on her.

I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.

The thing I don't understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who's supposed to pretend they don't want it?