I think I know now why we are occupying Iraq. In case we have to sell America and move to a smaller country.

Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic.

The only silver lining I can find is that British accents aren't sexy anymore.

You'd know if I was the de-facto leader of the Democratic Party, because you'd go down to Walgreen's and buy a pack of blunts.

Saddam Hussein is Hitler like Oasis was The Beatles.

If the bible myth of Jonah in the whale and the Mother Goose myth of Jack and the Beanstalk were switched at birth so that Jack in the Beanstalk were in the bible, do you think any child would notice?

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.