Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?
Bill MaherPeople sometimes say how standup is so hard, and I always tell them that it's hard at the beginning.
Bill MaherSpace tourism is God's way of telling you you aren't spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.
Bill MaherRussia has banned all adoptions to Americans. So, if you were hoping to get a little white kid with fetal alcohol syndrome, you're going to have to wait until Lindsay Lohan reproduces.
Bill MaherI urge the media to start referring to climate skeptics as what they really are: climate assholes.
Bill MaherWhat I have against religion is that they start you when you are so defenseless. I mean, I was three when they started pumping this bullshit into my head. I believed in Santa Claus and the Fairy Godmother, of course I believed in a virgin birth, and a guy lived in a whale, and a woman came from a rib. But then something happened that made me doubt all of it: I graduated sixth grade!
Bill Maher