When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.

You can't claim you're for peace if you're not willing to disturb it.

New Rule: This Valentine’s Day Americans must remember that politicians are like a box of chocolates. We bite into them to find out what's on the inside only to discover that Democrats are too often soft and gooey and Republicans are mostly nuts.

As a comedian, I think we all look for those areas where the truth diverts from what people are saying. That's why politics is such a rich area for us, because politicians make promises, and they don't keep them, and when we point out the difference, we get the laugh.

I believe in God, I just give him more credit than being a single parent and an author.

[Obamacare] was going to be the Republicans' big issue, and they're not talking about it because it's working.

If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.