When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.

I love the Tea Party. They are the ultimate beer goggles. They make everything look better.

Rand Paul and Chris Christie both said vaccinations should be a choice, not a government mandate. Because when have Republicans ever told people what they could do with their own bodies?

Gordon Gekko was right: greed is good. Because, the potty-trained Republicans have now stepped forward - like the Koch brothers - to say, 'You know what? You yokels stop talking about defaulting on the debt, because I'm going to lose a fortune!'

Ronald Reagan came from show business. His idea of how the government should help the homeless was like your agent. "We'll try to get you work. But don't bug us about it."

Why is the AMA for 'Obamacare'? If this is going to hurt doctors, why are they for 'Obamacare'?

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.