The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It's like a septic tank saying, 'You need a mint.'

We take one group of people and we demonize them. Trying to turn people against our Muslim friend and neighbors.

To me, being brave is an element that is so important with stand-up comedy. It's not essential. There are many comics who were just funny, and that's fine, too. But that's never been what I was trying to do in comedy. I was always trying to do something that involved not pandering to the audience.

The thing I don't understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who's supposed to pretend they don't want it?

In fact, because people are religious, they think they can do bad things.

What mostly prevents black people from voting is that drug laws send them to prison, and then they can't vote.

New Rule: The people of America who were most in favor of the Iraq War must now go there and fight it.