You know, if you're an American and you're born at this time in history especially, you're lucky. We all are. We won the world history Powerball lottery...

I was watching Ashlee Simpson on Jay's show last night... She was really singing, and I was saying, 'Bring back the lip synch'... And it struck me that Ashlee Simpson is a lot like George Bush - because she wouldn't even really be in the big leagues if it wasn't for family connections, and she's in way over her head. And she doesn't know what to do. And she blamed her band.

Anyone who is elected mayor of a place called "Sin City" is allowed to be a drunk.

The car bomb was fertilizer, gasoline, fireworks and propane tanks...still safer than a Toyota.

I would rather put up with Rush Limbaugh and live in a country where we all do have freedom of speech.

Government - they used to teach it in college. It's actually something you should study and learn and know how to do. The Republicans always run on the idea that government isn't very effective. Well, not the way you do it. But it can be effective.

I'm more likely to not invite someone back for not talking. If someone talks a lot, I can usually shut them up and control them. But with people who don't talk, if they don't really want to talk, they probably shouldn't be on this show, and that's fine. They're talented people with things to say, but sometimes people say what they have to say through other means than arguing.