Why is monotheistic faith better than polytheistic? I mean, either you believe - if you believe in, like, a magic person who can do magic things, why is it different - so different if it's Superman or the Fantastic Four?
Bill MaherNew Rule: Stop asking Miss USA contestants if they believe in evolution. Itโs not their field. Itโs like asking Stephen Hawking if he believes in hair scrunchies. Hereโs what they know about: spray tans, fake boobs and baton twirling. Hereโs what they donโt know about: everything else. If I cared about the uninformed opinions of some ditsy beauty queen, Iโd join the Tea Party.
Bill MaherDown in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant exploded, I returned abortions to back alleys where it belongs, my work here is done.' I think that's what he said, he was chewing a crayon.
Bill MaherDoctors said that the test most commonly used to screen for colon cancer doesn't go far enough. They're recommending a procedure that involves photographing the entire colon. I say, don't vie CBS an idea for another reality show.
Bill MaherWhich is why I'd like to tip off law enforcement to an even larger child-abusing religious cult. Its leader also has a compound, and this guy not only operates outside the bounds of the law, but he used to be a Nazi and he wears funny hats. That's right, the Pope is coming to America this week and ladies, he's single!
Bill Maher